Assalamualaikum and hello.
This endless feeling of not accomplishing something you longed for, sometimes makes me retch with disappointment. Sometimes I wonder if it's best to keep life to yourself, to be indifferent, to be reclusive.
Because by bringing yourself to mingle with life and the mortal beings around you, you're consenting judgement for your actions, words taken for granted, and efforts sometimes seemed futile.
Along the road to that one goal we aimed for, maybe it's best to stay silent and march alone towards that endpoint. To sort out my priorities, which in fact has been where I've focused my sweats on recently, although most of the struggle ended seemingly useless.
I'll force myself to adore this field, in the hope that it will spark further interests essential for my would-be future career. Work more, talk less. Happiness will result on another side by then.
Henceforth, it's just me and my shadow, sworn to secrecy by the amount of books I have to read, and the time frame I have to patiently persevere.
All the best, utk kita :)