Difficult.

Assalamualaikum and helloo.

Sooo.... it's November and I haven't written anything since forever. Not only had this blog gone abandoned, my brain's writing centre had gone rusty too. October flew by so quickly, which means I have safely turned 23, alhamdulillah. The Hijri calendar is starting a new year tomorrow so you can consider this my 'end-of-hijri-year' post lols.

My final specialty exams for Paediatrics and Obstetrics+Gynae are just around the corner, (when I say around the corner, it's really that close you can see 'em coming after the traffic light seriously if you divide the time I have by the amount of reading we all have to do)

Sometimes with all this exams, and endless whining we put on facebook or on the phone with loved ones about how difficult life is blabla, I wonder how non-medic people perceive it. If I'm in some lucky non-medic shoes, I would definitely think 'seriously dude other courses are difficult too don't pretend like you're so busy you're not the only one suffering so build a bridge and get over it ughh'.

But then again, you can't blame them for thinking so. No one can understand your definition of difficult in Medicine unless they face it themselves. I don't understand how difficult are accountancy or economics or engineering either.

So what is so tough about being a medical student? What makes us so busy that our social lives sometimes only revolve around grocery-shopping on weekends? (from a below-average medical student's point of view)

Time. The way my university arranges our clinical modules is that we have exams every end of rotations (eg medicine, surgery, o&g, paeds, psychiatry). Sometimes we have 6 weeks for each rotation to cover everything under the sun and tadaaaa, "here have a delightful exam without any study week". So it's like you're asked to cook a set of nasi briyani from scratch in 5 minutes but at the end of 5 minutes you only get as far as straining the rice under tap water. Tak sempattt.

Exhaustion. Everyday of the week you had to go to the hospital and especially if you're on a hectic rotation, you left the house at say 8am and with all the loooong bus rides you'll reach home by 6-7pm. By the time you had your dinner, showered and prayed it's already 9.30pm. Unless you can remain motivated 24hours a day, by 10pm you're already exhausted and the bed is your only friend. You can't stay up too late either cause tomorrow's an early start.

Accumulation.  If you're attached to a team and the reg/consultant is overly motivated, you'll be drilled with questions at ward rounds or clinics. If you can't answer, you feel stupid and make a mental note to study Case A. Then you rushed to tutorials and the tutor talked about something alien to you so you make a mental note to study Case B. By the end of the day you have a dozen of topics accumulating for you to review.

Communication. You're constantly communicating and taking histories from patients and sometimes it's not easy. Try randomly talking to 20 strangers a day and each of them gave you a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle to solve.

Nevertheless, all the above are exactly what I love about Medicine. Constantly on-the-go and learning and understanding the most peculiar cases, it's just amazing in a weird way.

Doakan :)

2012 plus one.

Assalamualaikum and hello.

"The future is scary, but you can't just run back to the past because it's familiar."

- Robin Scherbatsky, HIMYM

Retiring early to bed, I lied awake for a good half an hour under my heavenly warm duvet before finally deciding to get up and get this post done. I figured it's a waste not to have something posted at the verge of a new year like I did every year. (2011's)

I guess 2013 will be the most crucial period throughout my medical school 'safari'. A lot to expect, and a whole lot more to be accomplished. Everything seems to stockpile within this year: my subspecialty modules; infamously known to be the toughest and most demanding by our seniors- my electives and clinical attachments during summer and winter break;  the anxiety facing Malaysia's clinical setting for the first time- and of course- our unknown winter exam results. *doakan please.

Alhamdulillah. 2012 has been nice, though I can say it's the most shifting year I've ever had. Imagine having a joyful bunch of friends who suddenly flew back home for good, and then you're left with a repetitious routine of hospitals each day with this few remaining darlings. Imagine watching friends who're single last year and now happily married or engaged this year. Imagine updating yourself with your friends' latest stories by mere newsfeed-scrolling on facebook just because you're miles away. Life revolves around you so fast that you had trouble catching up.

It gets lonely sometimes, but most of the times I'm not alone with those crazy heads still around (you know who you are). Plus, Mama Abah Ayit Ira Adik are always close at heart with the privilege of long-distance bridge thanks to Facetime and Skype calls :)

Resolutions? I have a bunch, but I'll keep most of it to myself this time :)

Academic-wise: I wish to learn differently, and positively too.
Life-wise: I wish to do a whole lot of first-s. Can't remember the last time I did something for the first time :)

To 2012, a happy grateful goodbye to you.
To 2013, assalamualaikum :)

Till then, see you next year, inshaAllah. :)