Of Graduation, Marriage and Unemployment: Part 2

Assalamualaikum and helloo.

I know it's a bit overly posey dividing these posts into parts but I sort of wanna group these things together for future reminiscence (puii).

So according to chronological order my wedding comes next, so unemployment can wait. teehee
I hope you can pretend the mushy-mushy parts in this post doesn't come from me thank you.

*cue romantic cheesy music*

Much to our friends' surprise, we got engaged last year on the 10th of August, 3rd of Syawal. It was a small intimate event only attended by close family and family friends of both sides. Since we're both still studying, what more in two different continents, we decided to keep it low and just go about our lives pretty much like we used to before. Plus it's sunat to keep your engagement to yourselves coz it's like a personal period to get to know each other better. Since we spent our engagement away from each other, it's easier to focus on our studies and ditch the overly sweet period people used to associate engagement to. So when people asked if our engagement is true, my then-fiance' did a pretty good job at denying/ avoiding. hahah

We both met in college (KMB) back in 2007 and we're both classmates and mentor-menteemates. I first saw him during our orientation period when we sat in circles with the rest of our classmates and introduced ourselves. I never liked him then, the way he spoke, the way he sat, it was all too overly poyo for me hihiks. Nothing happened during the first year of college, it never went beyond 'just friends', plus he had a special someone back then so whatevs pfftt. We managed a lot of class activities together, we went hiking, island-hopping in Langkawi, later on furthered our studies in Dublin and a lot more fun stuff as a group. We were both so lucky to have the chance to study abroad, nothing widens your horizon more than travelling to places you've never seen before, and we did just that.

2009 Tasik Dayang Bunting, Langkawi. (someone can't swim..guess who haha)

If people asked me who took the first move, it was him. If people wondered when did he propose, it's slightly complicated because he kinda did that on the last day of college (it wasn't the classic 'will you be my wife here's a diamond ring happy tears loud yes' kinda thing but he simply told me to wait after 5 years and a medical degree) and the rest is history. Of course there were ups and downs that were probably worth a novel but nevertheless it brought us to where we are today, and I couldn't have been happier.

It was an elaborate and complicated story to tell, we both saw each other grow up from mere 18-year-olds to the young adults we are today, flawed or not. We've just approached our 2-months milestone (yayy fireworks please!). Marriage opens up a lot more and I learnt a lot everyday as a wife and as a daughter-in-law to a whole new family. We're blessed to have a smooth-sailing journey towards marriage as both our parents are so so supportive and understanding.

Also when you get married you tend to learn a lot from your elders. I noticed I was being super observant when I saw how my cousin's wife treats her in-laws and how they laugh a lot and make jokes at each other like bestfriends, or when my aunt visited my dad's mom-in-law eventhough she's practically not a relative, and a lot more trivial things I wouldn't notice that much when I'm single. I think marriage brings you to adulthood more than anything can, and makes you value the ties your parents have with families and in-laws close and far.

Apart from the heavy responsibilities that come with marriage, it was still the happiest ride so far. Having someone you could trust and love and make fun of is both entertaining and therapeutic in nature, although he yawns when you talk too much hahah

Before I overdosed myself from too much mushiness or before my beloved suami texts me and jokes at my attempt of being romantic, I'll probably stop. Till then, xoxo lovelove muah

Of Graduation, Marriage and Unemployment : Part 1

Assalamualaikum and hello peeps.

Again it's been lightyears since my last update, I literally spent the last half an hour trying to figure out my password to this blog. But hey marriage and graduation are pretty good excuses don't you think. Hehe

Alhamdulillah all praises to Allah, 2014 has unexpectedly been one of the biggest years in my life, especially the last few months in particular. I graduated as a medical doctor on the 5th of June and was blessed with a husband approximately 2 months later (hi-5 girlfriend!). So these two big shiny things that changed my statuses warrant a few mentions in this blog hence this sudden phalangeal urge to dance on the keyboard again.

Graduation

I love how the Irish managed their conferring ceremonies, it was never an elaborate affair for them which was quite the opposite in Malaysia.. My friend's dad who was a lecturer in a local Malaysian university was impressed by how efficient and straightforward the ceremony is. Unlike Malaysia, they don't hold rehearsals and it wasn't like a huge carnival where people sell flowers and graduation teddy bears and such. The ceremony itself was just announcement of names without arranging graduates according to their achievements. It was just a simple and intimate reception attended by families and friends of the graduates from our faculty, followed by a small reception with drinks and tidbits. Conferring for them wasn't a place to show off your achievements, it was merely an event of acknowledgement, much like putting a nice happy ending to our 5 years in  UCD.

We walked to UCD's O'Reilly Hall at 8am (can you imagine? Conferring starts at 11am okay semangat tu nampak) for pictures' sake. Pika and I grabbed our robes and ohmygod that feeling when you put it on, it was a kind of happiness beyond words. Like, "This is it guys, this is the robe I've been dreaming to wear since my first year."  I used to watch my seniors graduate thinking how happy I would be if I get to wear that robe, and there I was, vain and all.

Seeing my parents proud smiles were the highlights of the day. Mama and Abah flew miles and miles from home to see me graduate. They squeeze in what remained of their annual leave (coz they need to save some for their Hajj this month) and spent 10 days in the land I called my second home, together with Makngah Yan (Mama's sis) and Kak Noli (my cousin residing in Ireland). Man I reaalllyy need to find time to write about our awesome trip together.

 My backbones. (Mama really need to practice on her candid laugh pose)

Aaanyways, although my name was slightly mispronounced by our Dean (He said Zur Zulaikha instead of Nur Zulaikha lols), it was a happy 2 seconds on stage. My degree was in Latin which is quite a hassle because I had to pay another 60 euro for an English translation boooo.

Also graduating means I have to say goodbye to Dublin. No more heavy coats to warm myself outdoors, no more checklists of umbrellas, empty bottles (for hygienic toileting outdoors haha), heavily moisturing lip balms and hand creams, travel leapcard before leaving the house. No more checking the weather forecasts EVERYDAY because it kinda affects my choice of outfits. No more Yan telling me off for donning a skirt on a windy day. No more Pika saying I'm crazy for wearing just a blazer on a cold day. No more awesome Internet speed for smooth streaming and downloading. No more squinting through ingredients on packages at the supermarket to look for 'Suitable for Vegetarian' and non-alcoholic food. No more frequent 'Please' and 'Thank you'. No more sneaking clothes into fitting rooms to pray. No more free coffee and scones every evening from clinical conference leftovers. No more checking Dublinbus's Realtime app to make sure I have enough time to pin my scarf.

Ahh.. my 'no-mores' can go on forever. But ending a chapter in your life means starting a new one. I had no regrets, medical school by far is the witness to my growing up and  had definitely toughened me up a bit. It was in that moment that I realize it has come to an end. Friends who were by my side will soon partake their own journey as a doctor, and we won't be seeing each other as much as we used to. Probably even once or twice a year when someone gets married or have a baby sobs.

Pika's fake-laugh pose + Yan's batman attempt + Akem's retarded face (totally normal guys)

It's time to let go of my student status. Thank you to those who have been ardently praying for our success.

To build suspense I'll continue my marriage story and everything else I deemed important in my next post (padahal pemalas)

muah muah xoxo,
Wife and Doctor Ika

Doctor.

Assalamualaikum.

Up to this point it was all too surreal.

Alhamdulillah thank you everyone for your sincere prayers, my five years of medical school ended with a heartfelt gratitude and huge relief last Thursday. I haven't felt such sense of accomplishment in a very long time, almost like a little baby hitting her first developmental milestone. Allah has been so so generous with me sometimes I feel embarrassed thinking what I gave Him in return.

Thursday the 1st of May sent me into two extremes of emotions, at one end I was at the verge of tears in front of my examiners, determined that I had to repeat my long case, but by the end of the day I was jumping in tears, blessed with a thing I've been longing for.

I think this day deserves to be painted into this blog. A day I will remember for a very long time.


How Thursday, 1st of May 2014 changed my life forever:

12am
Went to sleep with a million things running through my little memory box, I couldn't sleep but I had to. Every time I shut my eyes I remembered a topic I haven't read or a chapter I haven't finished. It was disturbing.

3.30am
Subuh was at 4am. Woke up with a sudden adrenaline rush, knowing my final exam as a medical student is in less than 5 hours. Flipped through random notes, hoping my last minute effort will still count.

7.15am
Cycled through the light rain to the hospital. Numb from anxiety and sleep deprivation.

7.45am
Everyone gathered. Instructions given and phones taken. At this point I merely stared into blank spaces leaving everything in the hands of Allah. I was told I was in the last group to go. So I waited and felt a tension headache developing around my head.

9.30am
Called to get ready. Stethoscope checked, patella hammer, tuning forks, pen torch, notepad all checked. My white coat was literally loaded with tools, much like the pocket of doraemon. I was assigned to a lady in L***'s ward. I knew by heart that the ward was for respiratory/MedEl patients.

9.40am
Escorted to my patient, Mrs X, an 80-plus years old lady. Alhamdulillah the patient was extremely pleasant and helpful.

9.50am
History-taking went smoothly for the first 10 minutes, until she said, "I'm so sorry I'm gonna have to leave you for a minute, the medication I took last night is really working well, I need to go to the loo..." with an apologetic face. She struggled with her walking stick, taking small steps to the bathroom. I assured her that she can take her time as long as she's comfortable.

10.00am
She was still in the bathroom, I was back to my nervous state again knowing I only have 40 minutes with my patient before the examiners came, and I've now lost a good 10 minutes. Mrs X came back apologizing for taking away my time, and determined to tell the examiners later that I was short of 10 precious minutes.

10.10am
Mrs X's symptoms were a mixture of ambiguity and broad possibilities, she simply said she had "fibrosis". She came in with shortness of breath and night sweats, I was thinking along the lines of a respiratory case. I examined her, and heard a really loud murmur with an irregularly irregular pulse. "Mitral regurg and Afib," I thought. But none of her medications were treating those two. I panicked to the point that I had to listen to her heart a couple times. "I'm so sorry but can I just have another listen to your heart one last time.." Being the lovely person she is, she understandingly obliged to my every request without a fuss. Bless her.

10.20am
I was confused. My thoughts went from cancer, to fibrosis, to pneumonia, to God-knows-what. It was really cute seeing how nervous she is on behalf of myself, reminding me a million times that I'll do well.
"Oh by the way I think they mentioned a faulty valve in my scan yesterday," Mrs X said, trying to help me out. I dismissed the 'faulty valve' as something overlapping my respiratory differentials, and merely reflect the mitral regurg she had, and begin organizing my thoughts. At this point both my examiners were late by 10 minutes. Alhamdulillah for the extra time, again Allah is indeed the best planner.

10.30am
They finally arrived. Two sharp-looking superiors/consultants, I knew one examiner from my GP rotation, the other was a lady from my viva the day before (my horrible viva is a whole other story, which I won't dwell on now, except for the fact that the very same lady crushed my knowledge and confidence into a pulp of stupidity during my viva). You can imagine how anxious I am to be presenting to the exact same examiner again.

10.40am
I finished presenting Mrs X's history to my examiners. The lady paused for a moment, looking confused and coldly said, "Hmm, that's quite a broad differentials you gave us.." and she spent the next 10 minutes doubting my diagnosis and trying to get me to think of the exact problem that Mrs X had. She asked difficult questions, gave out confusing hints, until I finally came to my senses and said, "Infective endocarditis," with a silent "omg how can I not think of that.." in my head. Only God knows how low I felt at that moment, my eyes almost teared up but I know I need to buckle up for the next drill of questions from the second examiner. Alhamdulillah the second set of Q&A went well, I remembered each and every bit of acute AFib management (since Mrs X has AFib) from our study group discussion the day before (thanks guys love youss).

11.10am
My final exam wrapped up with a simple nod from my examiners and I was done. I shook hands with Mrs X, at which point my eyes swelled up again as I bid goodbye. This is a lady who came in thinking she was dying, and said she'd be happy to go as God had blessed her with a wonderful family and a blissful life. Such a lovely lady. I spent a few minutes thanking her for all the things she helped me with, realizing that she is my last patient as a medical student.

I looked at my watch and realized my long case exam went over the time limit. A 15-minute Q&A session ended up with a 30-minute torture. I suppose the intern who accompanied me to the ward was right, he said "the last person always has extra time but the session with the examiners will always be a bit longer". I almost choked for freedom as I left the ward. I arrived to our quarantine hall only to find my bag was what's left in the empty hall. Everyone else left, and I was indeed the last student.

11.15am
I went to the prayer room and met Pika. We exchanged our long case details, both worried of what tomorrow may hold. Some of our classmates were celebrating with champagne outside the hospital, some even went straight to the pub, while I cycled home full of anxiety and uncertainty. We were told to wait for an email confirming that we passed and do not have to resit the next day, by 6pm today. The next 6 hours were one of the most difficult wait in my life. These 6 hours hold the answer to my prayers.

2.50pm
Woke up from a long afternoon nap to brush off my disappointment from my long case that morning. Instead of feeling refreshed, I was exhausted and nervous at the same time. Whatsapped Mama, to ease my worry and asked for a little doa.

4.00pm
I went to Yan's room finding Suha and Ecah together. We sat and talked but I know deep within everyone was anxious about the email.

5.00pm
Pika barged into the room, and gave us the look that tells "The email is out." Everyone urgently grabbed their phones and ipads and within minutes, one by one showed a smile of relief, a smile of accomplishment. We group-hugged and in that instance, everyone was sobbing uncontrollably. It was a moment I would remember forever, because only we know how hard it was to get to this point. It was emotional, it was intense, it was surreal. We are finally, doctors. Sujud syukur alhamdulillah. There were happy tears everywhere.


I immediately called Mama and Abah, although they were groggily woken up from their slumber, I just had to share the good news.

Looking back, it was amazing how Allah put us through hardships to give us a sweet little ending. Five years went by so very quickly, and I still wonder how I passed the finishing line.

I still think about why my examiner did not fail me, and how it was not all about getting the one right diagnosis but the whole case was judged by the way we approached it, from history to physical examinations.

Within 24 hours, I went from really sad to extremely happy I felt like I could cartwheel around the globe. SubhanAllah, Allahuakbar. All praise to Him.


I've been waiting to add these alphabets to my name since 5 years ago, and I'm finally allowed to, so...

Dr Nur Zulaikha Zainol MB Bch BAO, University College Dublin.

Here's to many more alphabets inshaAllah! ;)

Alhamdulillah.

Ignorance is bliss.

Assalamualaikum and hallow-een.

People say ignorance is bliss, which in my case it definitely is. For the last 9 weeks, I am oblivious to the fact that this upcoming OSCE (objective structured clinical examination) exam involves 6 different stations. All this while I thought it would just be a 20-minute exam and bamm, you're free. Why am I even in medical school? =.=

I promised to write about the wedding, but I have yet to find the time to let my hands dance on the keyboard again. For those of you faithfully keeping me company here, you'll notice I'll be writing more as the exam dates approach. Exam-induced blogging inspiration. Heh

And oh yes, salam aidiladha! Here's a picture of us annoying our tummy with extra digesting work.