The sunshine to my rain.

Assalamualaikum and heyoo.

I've started my surgical rotation in the Mater Misericordiae University Hospital last week, even the name includes 'misery', which pretty much reflects my first few days in surgery. Although it wasn't off to a good start, I must say I've learned a lot, but that's a whole different story, which I may or may not share in the near future, seeing that I have a very faithful commitment to my part-time job as a procrastinator.

Ok. Last weekend I facetimed mommydaddayhh, and because I was so frustrated with myself over the first week of rotation, I regretted having too many complaints on what's wrong with my team, when in fact, I was the one with a big-headed fuss. Abah said we're there to learn, so I should be planting the 'I-don't-care-I'm here-for-Ilmu" attitude whenever people say something or do something that makes us feel bad.

Then, while arranging my virtual folders in my laptop, I saw the letter Mama forwarded to me a couple of weeks ago. A letter Abah printed out and handed to me on the very first day I registered into boarding school, 5-hour drive away from home. The very first day I was distanced from my family, at the age of 16.

And I cried like a big ugly baby when I read it the first time, because they told me not to read the letter until they went back home. You know that feeling when it's your first day in a strange environment, you have no friends, absolutely alone unpacking school uniforms and 3-in-1 milos into that little crampy besi locker, and then you read a letter written wholeheartedly by your beloved folks, while lying alone on your bouncing bunk bed. The first week was mad, I kept calling Mama a hundred times a day, trying to hide my croaky voice from my nocturnal crying. Man, was I a blubbery wreck.

But the first terrible week passed, and as what Mama Abah promised, that school indeed offered me memories I won't forget, I made new friends which remained in touch up till now.

A snippet from the nostalgic letter :) sweet kan :)

And when I read the letter again today, it enlightens me, in a way that reminds me of why I'm here. Abah went overseas at an age younger than myself, coming back home only once during his whole undergrad years, without any facetiming technology or skype whatsoever. He pulled through, so can I.

They are indeed the sunshine to my rain. I love you mama abah :)

Beloved.

Assalamualaikum and hello mortals.

A few weeks back, on my first hospital rotation, I witnessed a tremendously heartbreaking moment. I went to my department, to join Dr. Eamonn's clinic. In came a patient, an elderly gentlemen, with his daughter. Politely greeting Dr. Eamonn and I, I don't know why but I noticed a hint of sadness behind their genuine smile.

The man was very thin, very frail. His daughter anxiously mentioned that her father had been losing a lot of weight recently. An awkward silence proceeded. Noticing the sad look on their face, I guess Dr. Eamonn was waiting for the right moment to continue.

Then the man spoke. "I lost my wife last week..." He did not look up, fixing his heartbroken eyes to his walking frame.

When he lifted his face, I have never seen such a mournful pair of eyes, genuinely explaining the loss of his beloved. Doctor asked how long have they been married, and he answered, "62 years, doctor."

And then he said the shortest sentence that almost brought me to tears, "I miss her very much.."

I was trying to fight my own tears at these words, looking away whenever possible. (Oh God nobody wants to see a busybody medical student crying in a clinic)

His daughter tried to hide her own tearful eyes, blinking off tears at her father's bereavement. She was heartbroken as well, watching her dearest father left by his beloved, also hers.

from here

A lovely 62 years spent with the one you love, and when God took them away from you, how can you adapt to this sudden change, waking up in the morning to what's left of the love they left behind. In this man's case, his wife is no longer there to cook his favourite breakfast, no longer there to take an after-meal walk with him, no longer there to look back on the memories they shared since they first met.

When it comes down to moments like this, I am hopeless. Hati yg mcm batu salut besi pun jadi tersentuh.

Hence, treasure your beloved. I have learned this throughout my years growing up with mom and dad, both fit each other like a matching pair of jigsaw puzzle, amazing how their love grows exponentially each day.

Looking back, when my Tok Awang and Tok Jeed passed away, I've never wondered how my Tokmas and Tokteh coped with their beloved's demise, but I know both of them are strong at heart, and luckily the genes are passed on to a very lovable couple I'll look up to forever. (especially when I enter the married phase myself inshaAllah)

Alfatihah to Arwah TokJeed, TokAwang, and Tokteh.

"To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others"- Francois Mauriac (1885-1970)

To all married couples, tell your spouse you love them (Your own spouse la LOL). And to all the single ladies (ecehhh), God promises that good women are for good men and vice versa, so let's be the best so the good ones are saved for us! hahah. k bye

Sigh.

Assalamualaikum and hello.

I don't know which one of these actually exhaust me.

1) The weather which seemed to hate my first-time cycle to the hospital. I cycled back drenched in the heavy cold rain and hail smashing my face.

I started cycling at 4.30pm, and it was raining cats and dogs, at 6pm, after arriving home, hello Mr. Sun where have you been while I'm cycling? takpe, hujan itu rahmat Tuhan.

2) The well-known female hormonal change which always seemed to bring out the 'Mr. Hyde' in me, always making me feel gloomy and sad for no apparent reasons, or probably for tedious reason like 'my cereal stock is empty i'm so sad.' or 'why hasn't so and so reply my texts.'

3) The rising anxiety knowing exams is less than a month away and the constant question-firing mode played by the consultants, making me feel even more dumber than I already am.

I hate when this stupid feeling started, it makes me feel very unmotivated for the rest of the day. Now I'm exhausted. I know I'll fall asleep soon, and then wake up late the next morning with a head full of regret.

Sigh. Double sigh.

Talk loudly, walk fast, and look smart.

Assalamualaikum and hello.

I normally had one random thought I'd like to blabber on based on my daily encounters but because I'm the biggest laziest procrastinator alive, they were all blogged only mentally. So here it goes, a mixture of a lilbit of everything.

Hmm. Yesterday I came home hungry like always, so I went to the kitchen to gobble up a hugee plate of rice with chicken curry. Two hours later I'm hungry again, so off I went for yet another food hunt, this time, egg banjo with lotsa mayonnaise and chilli sauce. And then two hours later I ate another massive plate of rice. WTH. I'm like a growing baby, needing feed every few hours.

Then the universe speaks.

Yahoo: Find out why you're overeating.

That's like saying, Ika, why are you stuffing your face like a giant elephant?
Almost dropped my egg banjo, but too bad, there's none left. hahah

Aaaanyways, today I joined the tutorial given by our Consultant Cardiologist. His most famous quote of the day, he asked everyone in the room, "How many points do you need?" At first I spaced out, and then I realized he was asking what's the requirement needed for med school, some answered. And then he said, nahhh, you don't need those, you don't even need brains and you don't have to be intelligent. You need 3 things:

"Talk LOUDLY, walk FAST, and look SMART."

Gosh. Never thought it was that simple. That sounded like my little sister in her school uniform when she heard my parents are back from work with her favourite chocolates. "YAY MAMA DAH BALIK NAK COKLET", a perfect example: talking loudly, walking fast to the front porch, and looking smart still in her school uniform.

But yeah, if doctors were to compete in the Olympics, they can beat Usain Bolt before he even started sprinting. If I took one look away from my team's doctors, a second later they're all gone, goneee like the wind. Or maybe they apparated, like in Harry Potter, leaving me behind clueless to their whereabouts.

That's why I love St Michaels Hospital. It's a small hospital, so if I lose anyone from my team, go up one floor and there they are, sometimes it feels like a little kid who lost her mommy in a supermarket and then found her mommy just in the next aisle. Wahh. jejak kasih gitu. LOL

Ok tu ja. merepek apa ntah. byeee

Too little too late?

How can we save a bowl of rice if it has turned into porridge?

How can we recapture pictures if we accidentally deleted the folders?

How can we have a roasted potato if it's mashed from over-heating?

How can we save a favourite mug if it has broken into pieces?

How can we have white again if we've already mixed it with black?

Is it too late to have things back to normal again when changes took over? That it's almost impossible to get back to normality?

Easy. Cook another bowl of rice. Roast a fresh new potato. Buy a new mug and be careful not to smash it again. Take a bunch of new pictures and recreate the memories. Mix lotsa white paint so the black fades away.

Easy ain't it. Just start over. Everything is never too late, if we look ahead.  

Anyways, probably if things get too overwhelming for me, I might drive over to the cliff again and consider bungee jumping while screaming like a mad woman. 

Second visit to the famous cliff, April 2012.

p/s: I'm seriously thinking of having a house on some random cliff overlooking the horizon. Future husband, take note please. hikhik

Opinion.

A quick one.
I avoided sharing this on facebook for fear of people bashing each other in the comments medium, and I shall be left silenced from my own ignorance of national issues. But because I think Tun's comments in this video are from a wise old man's perspective, it is enlightening to listen to, witty and positively cynical in his own way.


Comments on Bersih 3.0, pengundi atas pagar, pemansuhan ISA, & kebebasan media.

"Itulah nampak kita punya generasi akan datang ni, akan terdiri daripada orang yang 'cerdik dan pandai', kerana 'macam ni pun dia taktau nak menilai.' Jadi dia akan terima padahnya la" - Tun M

Free or busy?

Assalamualaikum and hello.

Wah. Unbelievably amazing. The fact that I updated this site daily. Hoyeh
Anyways, today was the day my makcik pika and I finally had the courage to ask a man out on a date. And we were rejected. Sobs. Down habis.

Trying to make our Tuesday productive, we went looking for potential patient for a chitchat on their history. So we knocked on Mr. H's door. He answered after the third knock. Man, I know I shoulda knocked like Sheldon Cooper instead.

Me: Hello Mr. H, are you free at the moment?
Mr. H: Yes, I am.
Pika: Do you mind if we have a short chat with you?
Mr. H: No, I'm busy.

Free? Busy? Aiyoooo mana satu

But it's okay, because we laughed our way back to the reading room amused by Mr. H's response. He was a nice man though, very soft-spoken.

Andddd endoscopy/ colonoscopy session this morning was epic. Amazing how everyone in the endoscopy theatre couldn't  take their eyes off the monitoring screen, as if they're watching a Harry Potter movie instead of yellowish faeces and ulcerated colon. lol

taken from here

Yeah, that resembles our breakfast show this morning.