Dear God

Assalamualaikum.
Hello again people. Unless you're an alien from outer space, then hello alien :)

Lately I've been in a constant mood fluctuation. Thanks to my Psycho meds module I know that I'm not in any form of depression, as I'm not persistently under the weather. Ecehh. Also thanks to my little 'family' here in Dubs, they are one of my main reservoir of happiness :) Well, the mood just fluctuates when my mind went through deep thoughts. You know, thoughts that often sent me insomniac at night, and thoughts that often made me wonder why such and such happened.

Living away from home sucks. Big time. It means you live under the prying eyes of others, instead of your dear parents' wise protection. Of course, God is always there watching you closely as you make decisions. Nevertheless, this little place I called my second home has many to offer. People make judgements, people spread gossips, people care about you, people leave you, people make friends, people come and go. I fall into all categories. I know I did those things to people too.

One of the things I always have at the back of my mind, is how we used to judge people, either silently in our thoughts, or loudly so as to make other people aware of our thoughts. Just because Karim doesn't read the Quran in front of you, doesn't mean he never touched the alQuran. Just because you saw Minah watching TV a lot, doesn't mean she didn't spend any time studying. Just because Dollah's parents never stopped him from going out late at night, doesn't mean they never pushed him for solat jemaah at the masjid.

I am struggling, so hard, to amend my relationship with Allah. You don't understand. Seriously, who on Earth wanted to be a bad person since the first day they were born. With all these mumblings I subtly hear anonymously, it just makes everything a lot harder. You're trying to better yourself, yet here you are surrounded by people labelling everything you do, making me feel even more disgusted with myself. As if there's no hope to change at all, as if changing is a waste of time, as if you're already a hopeless person. As if it'd be much better if you just stay the way you are now. That I have fallen into that big black hole of badness and there's no way out.

As much as I love Dublin, I miss home even more. To see my friends leaving in 10 days' times just precipitated my heartache. That crushing chest pain you have in angina, I felt it almost everyday before sleep, not that physical hurt, but much more of an emotional pain no words can describe. This is going to be the longest 2.5 years of my life, and God is my only source of courage.

Allahummaghfirli zunubi.

Of my recent self.

Assalamualaikum.
Hello peeps. *sweeps off spider webs all over the screen* Sorry I haven't really been in the mood to blog, hence the annoying intermittent hiatus. Well, well, well. Let's see what I have to offer right now.
Ehem. I am now well into my 5th week of lectures, workshops and hospital seminars. Nothing fancy, just the normal lectures and adapting to the progressively busier timetable. Feeling more doctor-ish with each weekly visits to the hospital. Alhamdulillah.

And last Saturday I co-hosted our annual Malaysian Night. Heh, I know, you must think they're insane for putting the role on me. I had no experience emceeing at all, well, apart from my kindergarten concert I emceed with little Derrick in 1996, I am literally a noob in public speeches. Even Mama laughed at the thought of me on stage hahah. I accepted the offer because I thought of doing something different this year, also considering that this is my last Malaysian Night with most of my friends. All in all, thank you for the chance, I enjoyed myself throughout the event, apart from a few embarrassing and stammering moments, it was all worth it. Kak Noli was there with Padraig too, making me feel like home :)

 Mr. and Mrs Hegarty, my VIP of the night :)

The third-years :) 

Our Dean of Meds on stage for the lucky draw. Oh yeah I laughed a lot to cover up my stage fright. Turned out goofy and embarrassing at times =.=

And then Ain's birthday was on February 14th. So we went out for a little dinner, hopefully that will make up for our one-hour-late wish :p Tahun depan dah x special sbb aku xde. hahah

Meet my usual partners-in-crime, with an addition of Syamir the Egypt boy and Luqman the Second from le Francais. hahah

And there you have it. My week. Now back to work. Tomorrow's Friday, and this week I need a weekend more than I ever do. tsk