2011 plus one

Hello.

No that's not the title of a movie. Despite the Westerners' claims that we'll all be doomed by 2012, I shall see 2012 as a whole new year full of surprises and chances given by God to live yet another year, as I always do in between the borders of December and January.

As mentioned previously, winter 2011 has been a slow and relaxing one. Mostly spending time with friends, books, long skyping time with family and filling the days with numerous trips to dreamland. Though I initially thought not travelling will help me save for my next summer trip, I was wrong. Money flows out unstoppably, well, mostly because I bought a brand new camera and our deep affection for lunch and dinner in the city centre too. Hello future coronary heart disease =.= We also received a handful of friends from Germany, US and UK, cehh bagi sound international skettt. Tetamu bawak berkat kann ;) so there're quite a few get-together involving food, which includes sushi-making. Nyums. hehe

Some snippets of last few week's 'time-wasting' activities;

Sushi yang gemuk2 due to my generous amount of fillings =.= Other people's sushis looked perfect ;(

Oh, say hi to my new camera! Lumix LX5. Thank you Mr. reviewer :)

Also went to Nady's just to hang out before her holidays end. Missing dubliners: Atiqah and Ila :)

Ok pointless muqadimah. (Muqadimah??? wadehey macam buat essay)

Since I missed out on making resolutions during the recent Awal Muharram, perhaps it'd be good to think about it now. I flipped through my old posts and I found out that I've been writing posts on the 31st of December every year, very much like an annual resolution. Haha nerds. 2010's was funny, I wrote down what I've learned through the year. Here. Sadly I don't think it sticks on my mind, I kept making the same mistakes over and over again. But then again, that's how you learn, through mistakes, aite.

If I were to describe 2011, it's been a great year in and out. Allah always makes everything great for you in the end, it's only a matter of time. Of course there're the casual ups and downs, but I make it to 2012 unhurt, so yayy me! Alhamdulillah, alhamdulillah for one whole year of life.

I'm adding a silly twist to end this year, a list of songs that reminds me of 2011 ;) (Just random songs I remembered right now ok !)

1) Ramli Sarip's Bukan Kerna Nama

2) Boyce Avenue's Fix You

3) Christina Perri's Arms

4) Exist's Masih Terserlah Ayu Wajahmu

5) Bennami's Ama Zilna

6) Joe Brooks's Holes Inside

7) Fleetwood Mac's Songbird

8) Yokesh's Sakkarai Nilave

9) Demi Lovato's Skyscraper

10) Kina Grannis's Stay Just A Little

Pardon my weird choices of melodies. I know I have a peculiar taste when it comes to music, no favourite singers or bands, just the songs and lyrics. I used to relate the songs I heard to one event, so all ten songs above will definitely bring me back to 2011 whenever I listen to them. :)

To end 31st December, here's a super cuteeeeee new year's eve song from the lovely Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt :) I wish they were a couple they're sooo cute in 500 days of summer :D

cute kan? He was looking at her all the time :)

Anyways, may 2012 adds similar or probably more happiness to our already blessed life. I shall bid a happy goodbye to 2011, and all the fun times and loves it offered me.

To 2012, Assalamualaikum :)

Where is the love.

From Anas R.A, who said: I heard the Messenger of Allah S.A.W, say:
Allah the Almighty has said: "O son of Adam, so long as you call upon me, and hope in Me, I shall forgive you for what you have done, and I shall not mind. O son of Adam, were your sins to reach the clouds in the sky and were you then to ask forgiveness of Me, I shall forgive you. O son of Adam, were you to come to Me with an earthful of sins and were you then to face Me, without having anything associated with Me, I shall grant you an earthful of pardon." [ Hadis ke-42, Imam Nawawi's 40 Hadith]

There's is still hope for a change. I want this feeling to last forever, this feeling of longing for forgiveness, this feeling of not giving up, right at this very morning. Dear God please don't let this feeling go away again. I've had enough of sitting alone in the middle of the night wondering if tomorrow will ever be the same. I want a change, I need You badly. I want this feeling always. To long for Your forgiveness and live life happily without hurting others I love. Where is the love? The love is always there, always have always been. Even more loving than the most loveydovey-est couple you've ever seen. You have to search for it.


Ameen. It's Friday peeps! Sunat baca surah alKahfi. Hok jate gi maye jumaat deh.

Selamat berhujung mingguan :)

The slow winter.

I'm not a big fan of Monroe but her words hit jackpot sometimes.
Anyways, hello :)

This winter had been one of the slowest there is. No snow, no nothing. Well actually it did snow for a split second on our last day of exams, but it melted by midday. Nothing to look forward too. Hence the title. Everyday has been pretty much the same, because we basically ran out of things to do, and it's just the first week of winter break. Went to the city centre twice, spent handsome amount of money on lunch and dinner, cooking, tidying, movie-marathon, reading. What else?

Our only white morning for this year's winter. Urghh Dublin is so menstrual. Last year it snowed so heavily that exams were cancelled. This year, it gives us just a glimpse of white frosty road.

If you went on googlemaps' street view, you'll see our neighbour's red car. I think it's on display or something coz it's always there. Always.

So today my makcik Ain decided to be an awesome future housewife by trying to make creampuffs. And it turned out exactly like the ones you bought from the bakery. Bravo. Sape nak buat calon menantu,sila2. Yan cooked the sambal for nasi lemak so we had a pretty full-set dinner-cum-lunch today.



So that's about it. I am trying hard to prevent myself from writing pathetic stuffs to show that I'm sad + under-the-weather boohoohoo. To make room for more positive vibes! Yay me! HAHAHAHA gile.

And so it begins..

The most anticipated time of the year, holidays! Err, ok not really. The only time I eagerly anticipated holidays was during the peak of exams, probably stress-related anticipation. Now that it has finally started, I hate how time seems to fly so friggin slow. Manusia manusia, xdak masa complain, byk masa pun complain. haha

My exams officially ended yesterday, which means no classes and lecture notes up till 15th January. A sudden change I must say, from a hectic timetable of 24hours revising and ridiculous sleeping cycle, to nothing.

I haven't planned much for this winter, unlike my hot sexy Barcelona and Morocco trip last year. I'm thinking of catching up on my long-lost hobby, reading. Abah used to force me to read all Enid Blyton's books when I was in primary school, even bought me a super thick book compiling all Blyton's writings once, which I read unwillingly. Looking back, I'm always grateful for all the forcing and pushing from Abah n mama, if it's not for them I won't have any interest at all in books. Man, squeezing your eyes through boring black-and-white alphabets while sitting stationary on a couch is no fun for kids my age. But awesome parents did what awesome parents ought to do, hence, my deep interest in reading- once upon a time. They must be a wee bit disappointed if I let that interest stops at this age.

I need to finish up my current collections of charity-shop books, bought them because they're cheap but haven't touched them since =.= And also need to start on a few books that can, you know, help me top up that little microscopic dot of iman, since next semester will involve more challenge working with the locals, and I always fail when it comes to answering questions about my hijab and why women can't marry four guys too. I know, what a shame. =.=

Till then. happy hols :)

Sacrifices

Hey ho. So there's two more papers to go.

I would say Respiratory Diseases was the paper I felt most unprepared. We finished endocrine at 6pm a day before, and respi's at 12pm the next day, which means we only have one short night to finalize any revision. I even forced myself to drink a can of Redbull, in the hope that it can give me a nocturnal spark, which it actually did. But it left me with only energy without any functioning mind, I find myself in the kitchen at 4am in the morning, nibbling on a slice of bread with chocolate spread on top =.= I decided to sleep for a while, just to let the brain breathe, what I expected to be a short nap turned out to be a 6-hour long sleep, and I woke up at 10am, just 2 hours before the exam, realizing that I have a hugeee amount of reading to do. Panic attack.

And so I run my eyes through the notes, praying hard that Allah will help me catch any important key points. Cycled in the cold to the venue, final scan through the notes, and with a very nervous heart, entered the exam hall. And the rest is history. Tawakkal.

You know, I sometimes wonder if opting for medicine abroad is actually a good idea. Now that I'm finally doing it, I'm starting to get the real taste of it. It doesn't only place a burden on me to perform academically, in fact, it made me sacrifice so many other little things in life. Most significantly, I missed out on family times.

I missed my cousin's wedding, and this is not the first time. I've lost count on how many times I missed weddings.

Mama abah looking good in pink :)

These three gedik girls took a picture which made me screamed out of jealousy.

And Kak Noli looked very princessy :)

I missed numerous family gatherings and trips. Well, of course it's not their fault. Blame all this geographical constraints.

I missed watching adik grow up, and she's almost hitting 12. I can't remember the last time I accompanied her to the playground. Look at her all prim and proper as the flower girl ;) My other little cousins were the flower girls too. Gahhh too cute!

I missed bro time, especially now that ayit's in college, even if I'm back for holidays, he's always away in Subang. To make things even sappier, he'll be off to another continent by early 2013, again separated by distance, and 13 hours of time. Which also means, 2012 would possibly be my last raya with him.

I missed out on watching ira hit teenagehood too. I think she's on some growth hormone or something, now almost as tall as me.

I missed reunions, countless reunions. From primary school to high school. I wonder if they still remember me. =.=

All this struggle of waking up early, sleeping late, working your brain like a dog, everybody else does it too. But I don't know why I keep making it sound like it's a big deal.

I know there's always a reason behind all these. Perhaps they're what it takes for you to get something worth it in the future.

I'm not complaining, because this, will definitely be worth it. inshaAllah

Ok back to work

Lost.

In the midst of notes and books

The heart stays still

not knowing where to look

To God, it should

but it let Him down too much

Even prayers at times like this

is a shame it can't hide.

Shame on you

Who told you to turn to Him

when you're in dire need

If in times of bliss

you put Him last.

Oh shame on you.

The brain needs courage

For it can't do this any more

But the heart is caged

No courage, merely awaiting its fall.

I do not know this girl

This lazy, discouraged girl

She was once so motivated

Now she lays pathetic

Lost and weakened.

I do not know this girl any more.

Blablabla.

Hello Wednesday.

I am exhausted. I have never felt so drained out of courage as much as I am now. No, not energy, it's more like the loss of urge to put effort. Perhaps because this semester was tough? Or maybe it's just me? I don't know. The burden had turn exceedingly huge over time. Well, studying smarter is the only way to beat this time constraint, as I'm now left with merely 3 short days. But smarter, I am not.

Yesterday Patrick (my pet goldfish) was acting weird, it kept swimming like a drunk chap and been lying down on the bottom of the tank most of the times. I panicked so I kept Patrick away from Spongebob for a while. And apparently, today it was swimming normally so I reunite them back together. I hope it's nothing serious. Ceh mcm jaga anak plak =.=' No, it's just that they've been there for two months or so and I've been waking up every morning with the first impulse of feeding them, x gosok gigi lg trus bg makan ok, more like a routine. It'd felt weird if I lose them. Precious little goldfishiess please don't go :(

see, yesterday tebaring2, today (right) okay dah.

I think Patrick was depressed watching me all zombied up for the exams. Haha. And by zombie, I mean not studying till late at night, it's zombied up as in byk tido muka mcm zombie.

So, though it is impossible to finish reading ALL (no, bukan acute lymphoblastic leukaemia, ALL as in capital all) lecture notes thoroughly at this point (for me), I shouldn't be giving up (duh~). At least if I push myself to the limits, I know I wouldn't blame myself if the results didn't turn out well. If I gave up now and my result sucks, it means the blame's on me. Allah pandang usaha. Sapa suruh pemalas.

Adoi 17th please come fast. bye

10 minutes.

As I watched a number of status updates about a medical student in Jordan who passed away today from an illness, I stumbled upon his facebook page. It gave me goosebumps knowing that just a few days ago, he updated his facebook stating his nose had been bleeding every 2-3 hours, and most people thought it was just a winter symptom. How powerful is the hands of God, how much things can change within His control, how He personally chose each individuals to go through his/her respective tests. And also, how things can change drastically in just a short period of time.

Which reminds me, again, of a short video I watched during my time in college. I'm pretty sure it's a well-known one. If you're thinking of watching this, well, it'll only take 10 minutes of your time.

Within 10 minutes, pictures are printed. Within 10 minutes, lives were taken away. 10 minutes, are all it takes, for things to completely change.

And, erm, within 10 minutes, you've just watched a video.

Time suddenly seemed so precious. Not only 10 minutes, I've wasted hours per day, wasting time doing unfruitful stuff. When in that 10 minutes, God can change anything about me.

Urghh. My heart is so congested with smelly stuff. I need to breath. And think of ways to make my time longer, and more 'blessed'. This is the kind of stuff that would normally struck a chord in my brain, of how blessed I am and how much I wasted all that blessings, and would often make me teary-eyed..as of now.

I can fall sick in a few days if God wills me to, I can die tomorrow if He wants me back. Astaghfirullah.

alFatihah buat saudara Ilham Ellani. Heaven awaits you inshaAllah.

Study la Zulaikha. jgn buang masa lagi

Zoology.

Although this is the kind of subject you'd expect to score excellently in midterms but end up getting less than half, it's still awesome. Oh awesome elective, you shall be missed :')

The life cycle of a liver fluke. cecehh

Today was our final lab practical, and much to my enjoyment of drawing parasites from microscope and reminiscing my time in Form 5, the module has eventually ended. And in the next semester, no more exotic electives for us, only scary history taking and directing pen torches to people's throats.

Also, our haematology paper will start next Saturday. Hence, I shall embark on a journey of one stressful week of last-minute revising starting this Saturday. Doakan ye.

"Jangan kau alas hatimu itu, dengan secebis warna kehitaman."

p/s: Ramli sarip on repeat, I have no idea why =.='

What if.

What if you’re sad, and you cried and cried, but it doesn’t take your sadness away?

What if you did a thousand things right, but people see a million things wrong?

What if you’re happy and you smiled, but it’s only temporary on the outside?

What if you wanted to change, but God told you to wait maybe because He has something in store?

What if you lost yourself, and you tried rewinding, but you’re still stuck being the miserable you?

What if you wanted time to freeze, so that you can savour the last moments you have, but time opposes you and move on so quickly?

What if you wanted something badly, but it appears to be exactly the opposite?

What if things didn't turn out well, how would you react, would you lost your mind or turn to God?

What if you tried so hard to change, but it didn’t work out?

What if you’re so depressed, and you’re struggling to keep yourself sane?

What if the cycle never stops?




What if. What freakin' if.