For the person who used to read my diary

This is for you. I hope you know that I used to hate you so much to the point of screaming my face off alone in my room, one of the reasons I remembered vividly was because you read my diaryyyyy and you made fun of what I wrote in it! Jahatttttt #*&^%%$ memang kejam gila dlm hati sedih knpe dikurniakan adik x behati perut cmni tsk tsk ;'(

But that was then. When you're such an annoying little rascal who thought he can do anything to his big sister because in the end his lovely big sister will have to claim defeated whenever mama or abah stepped into during the quarrel. Time tu dh la gemok pendek gigi mcm rabbit, pastu gemok2 pn still sanggup ingt diri sndiri comel sbb byk awek kt skolah. huh. bajet punya budak. Smpai skrg x puas hati ngn awek2 dia, mcm nk je ckp, eyy awek2 hampa ni buta ka, x nampak ka dia dh la x handsome gemok plak tu, kt rumah annoying adik yg kejam tau tak tau takkkk. huwarghhh =.="

I used to ask God why oh whyyy did You send me such an annoying brat as my brother. And I used to enjoy our taekwondo classes because that was when I was allowed to beat you up legally when Master paired us up for sparring. muahaha *gelak jahat* mmg sedap ah sepak flying kick dia secare legal. Perasaan teharu diberi peluang menflyingkick adik sndiri x dpt digambarkn dgn kata2 :') Macam nk jerittt OH THANK YOU MASTERRRR I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT SINCE FOREVER XD

That was back then. Now you're taller and heavier than me, and I bet you can beat me up if we're in any taekwondo class =.= Time flies so freakin fast that I often wondered if you ever walked into a doraemon time machine or something, suddenly changing into this handsome young man who had recently embark on your own journey to reach for what you want. I didn't have the chance to say this properly, but a hugeeeee CONGRATULATIONS on your results, alhamdulillah, you made your big sis really proud :') lu mmg power ah bro,

Muhammad Zharrieq Haizzad bin Zainol bin Hajeed (abah slalu ckp nama ayit cool sbb initial dia ZHZH), in whatever path you choose next, choose it because you wanted to, you're big enough to make your own decisions, and always consult those who care for you. If you choose to be an actuarist, a doctor, a pilot, or a noodle station waiter, you're still my only brother I'll always love and support. I'm sorry that you didn't have any real big brother to talk to, instead you only have a lousy big sister. But don't worry, one day when I get married you'll have a big bro you can hang out with hihi you'll grow wiser and smarter as you go along.

2007- aaaaargh stress sbb x jmpe gmba gemok pendek gigi mcm rabbit. xpe ni pun da cukup nk mggambarkn saat2 akhir era gemok pendek dia.

fast forward: 2011

bro gamba lu x pnah ada yg decent. semua tetonggek la, tenganga la. =.='

oh cantek kakak kau, kem salam skett

And don't forget to thank Him all the time, aite ? ;) Happy applying all scholarships and universities available on earth! :p I love you longggg time ma brahh!

Among the things I love to do

is to update my blog within the last few hours before exam. The closer it is to the exam (which in my case, will be in the next two hours), the more interesting and tempting it is to update this crappy blog.

just something amusing I thought of sharing; this happened last week. I was waiting at the LUAS station to get to somewhere and while waiting I was holding my oncology lecture notes. *Poyo kan mcm la study, xpe pegang pn dah cukup, amek berkat (=.=)*

And then an uncle came and sit beside me. I noticed he was looking at my notes from the side, and it did feel awkward. And then, suddenly he pointed to my notes and asked, " what's this?"

the picture in the middle that seemed to draw his attention.

Wanna know how LAME my answer is? The lamest of the lamest. I went, " Oh this is my lecture notes." And then;

Uncle: Your what?

Me: My lecture notes, from the university. (OHMYGOD HOW MUCH LAMER CAN I BE? MMG LA LECTURE NOTES FROM UNI, TAKKAN FROM SHOPPING MALL KOTTT =.=)

Uncle: (Seemed amused with my answer) Oh I know that. I was just looking at the picture in the middle.

Me: Oh you mean this? It's an intravenous injection.

Uncle: Err..injection?

Me: Yeah. Something you insert through your hand. *jwpn ngekngok*

Uncle: Oooh..

*Awkward silent*

Then the LUAS came and I hopped on in a rush, malu =.=.

See how lame that is? Msti pakcik tu cm, "of course la I know they're NOTES. duhh~" (=.=')

And then to make it lamer I went on to mention the word intravenous injection. How much nerdy can that be? You can't simply assume that everyone understands what intravenous means. duhh

Medicine will turn you into the lamest nerd sooner or later. Maybe not you, maybe just me. I'm turning into a lame medical nerd, who grows old alone and think chromosomes and tumours are the awesomest words in the world (*.*) Yay chromosome and tumour rocks! They ROCK BIG TIME YAYYYYYYYY

A Sunday Tune.

Something Sarah shared quite some time ago :)

"In a town that's cold and gray, we will have a sunny day"

Have a great weekend everyone! :)

The 3 brats I missed

Was at home studying *mata ke atas tgn ke bahu* when ayit wanted to skype. And then all of a sudden there's a skype call from 'nurzaliazainol' and so we had a group call, with ira n adik upstairs using 'nurzaliazainol' 's skype account and ayit downstairs in his room.

Adik: Lolo, lolo tau x bilik kita lani penuh dgn poster justin bieber?Ira punya keja

Lolo: Ya ka. Awat x lekat gamba kaabah ka, masjid ka.

Ira: Aaaa yg tu kaklong lekat la sendiri kt bahagian kaklong.

Lolo: Kt bahagian akak?

Ira: Yep, kat pintu.

kerek x kerek? grrr >.<'

Ira: Justin bieber ada girlfriend.

Lolo: Sapa?

Ira: Ira la.

Ayit: Ooo. justin bieber? yg pompuan tu ka?

Ira: Grrr >.<"

Adik: Aaaahh legaaaa *tibe2*

Ira: Euwww kaklong, tgk adik kentut. Eeee x snonoh laaa adikk

Lolo:( =_____=")

a good laugh on a good friday, for me :')

Told ya.

Told ya, it's already Friday. Cepat sangat la 2 minggu habis. I declare war to genetics and oncology. haiyaahhh!

Yesterday was the St. Patrick's Day, basically a religious holiday celebrated internationally on 17th March, which commemorates Saint Patrick and the arrival of Christianity in Ireland (source:wiki)

Every year there would be a huge festival at the city centre, with lotsa people wearing green and a huge parade which extended through the city. And every year, there would be a bundle of arguments among the Muslims here, especially Malaysian Muslims, as to whether or not it can be celebrated, since it's a religious celebration. Needless to say, some of the Christians themselves believe that it's no longer a religious festival since the way people celebrated this day had changed tremendously over the years.

I won't say it's wrong or right, who am I to say wei haram kot, or wei ape salahnye pegi tgk parade je. I'll leave that to you. Nnt blog ni kne ban plak. We're all educated people so I'm sure in anything we decided there'd be a reasonable explanation, whether to go or not to go.

Anyways, I was at the city centre early morning yesterday, and the Garda have just started closing a few roads in conjunction with the parade. First time I've ever seen the city being so 'deserted'. Normally on a holiday it would be sooo very crowded.

xde orang -.-"

Well the reason I'm posting this up, was to highlight an incident at the city after the parade. I didn't go to the parade but was at the city to change buses. We're about to get off the bus when somebody suddenly pour a can of beer from the window of the doubledecker bus. It ALMOST hit my friend right at her head. Luckily it was just a splash on her skirt.

And then there were a group of youngsters around my lilsis's age singing Rihanna's song like it's nobody's business. And we're walking through the crowd and it felt like we're in some kind of a zombie war or something, with drunk people shouting and jumping around like crazy. When I reached home alone there's a group of guys with their shirts off waiting at the bus stop shouting and laughing out loud. Memang jalan sepantas kilat nk smpai rumah huhu cuakk gilers.

Suffice to say, I wouldn't want to say if the celebration is haram or not, but I would say I hate the aftermath of the parade! Seriously, cuakk. Kuang hasam la geng bus stop tu. I was even ready with steps of taekwondo in my head -_-" huh.

And to make it worst, my revision spells zilch. Was thinking of speed-reading but when I jumped to the next lecture notes, the previous notes I've read will be completely forgotten. Promised myself to work my socks off this weekend. Wish me all the best everyone!

peace n love (^.~)v

I'm studying, NOT!

Ever experienced the feeling where you woke up on a Monday and had no idea of what have you done on Sunday? Like the days just passed right in front of you like a bullet train. Suddenly it's already Monday. Suddenly it's already Friday. And suddenly the spring break is over and the exams are tomorrow. And oh no suddenly you're already entering your third medical year. Ok enough with the crap. But you get the picture, right? the fact that time waits for no man suddenly fits into place right now. Seriously I'm having trouble catching up with time, 24 hours never seemed enough. Maybe because I filled it with crappy stuff most of the times, sampai x trasa keberkatan masa. sobs

You might think, eh, tipula, dah nama medical student, mesti study 24/7, lagi2 skrg kn tengah CUTI SPRING 2 MINGGU. Hah. Let me knock some reality in you.

3am-Not yet asleep. Been staring at the pathology book for almost an hour. I repeat, STARING. serious staring je, baca langsung tak.

4am- Still not asleep because of the internet. See how powerful the internet is until it can stop me from achieving the one of the most pleasurable nikmat in life which is tido? Get the picta sistah?

5.16am- Looked at the time, it's already subuh and went 'omg it's late, I should really sleep.'

6am- After subuh, went to sleep because the princess needs her beauty sleep no matter how much she has slept yesterday afternoon -__-"

9am- Alarm bising, snoozed the alarm, and thought, a restful sleep should be at least 5 hours. Went back to sleep.

10am- Woke up, hungry. Went to the kitchen and saw a mixture of cocoa powder leftovers. Made a few chocolate crepe. Eat eat eat.

10.30am- Eat eat eat. Now accompanied with the laptop, which made the eating process longer. Eat eat eat. Made a mental note that "I'll start studying by 11.30am."

11am- Ok I should really go and take a bath. Mandi mandi mandi. Skyped with Mama, a must. It enlightens my whole day :)

11.30am- Skype skype skype.

12pm- Oh no it's 12 already I should be studying. But tummy's hungry again. Thought, nobody can study with an empty stomach kan. Went to the kitchen. Nothing to eat. Saw some eggs, cook cook cook, for lunch.

1pm- Finally finished eating. Went back to the study desk. And think of what to study. Think think think. Genetics or Onco.. Genetics or Onco...

2pm- Still looking at the lecture topics and thinking which one to study. Genetics or Onco.. Genetics or Onco...

3pm- Hungry, heard Ain mumbled about how yummy it is to eat roti cicah nescafe made with condensed milk. Kurng asam jawe, tak nampak ke org tgh feeling nk study. tak boleh jadi ni. Must join too. To the kitchen again.

4pm- Eat eat eat. Sedap la plak roti cicah nescafe. Bancuh lg. Cicah lg. 3 keping. burrppp. Alhamdulillah boleh study dah.

5pm-Forgot that I should make an important phone call to an office. Call jap. Ok done. Then omg Liyana online! Skype skype skype. Skype skype skype.

6pm- Already Maghrib in Dublin. Org tue2 ckp x elok study maghrib2.

7pm- Maghrib lagi.

8pm- Ok masa utk study! Tgk facebook jap seblum berjihad. Eh ada updates on Japan. Need to keep myself updated *konon*, searched the net for news.

9pm- Checked emails and made a few important phone calls. Pening. *konon penat la* Need to sleep, promise I'll wake up at 1am to start on Genetics. Or maybe Onco..Or maybe genetics.. krohh krohh krohhh zzZzZ.

Do you think I'd actually wake up at 1am? (-__-") Nak study subject apa pn pening, study kebende,

So people, it's a miserable life I would say. Especially when you have MILLIONS of lecture notes to study you'll end up not knowing where to start. Sigh.

p/s: that's not the actual sequence, I mixed up between what I did in two days, not in the right sequence. just to add a lilbit of drama that my student life is pathetic. ahaks

OK MASA UTK STUDY SMPAI PENGSAN. bye

genetics or onco..genetics or onco..you tell me.

p/p/s: onco= oncology. (-_-")

Jepun.

I have no idea it could be this serious.

Praying that all of them in Japan are strong in every challenges they're currently put through.

and Malaysians, we seriously need to be thankful of the geographical location of our country. Imagine if our families and friends were under such danger and we're not able to contact any of them. Risau kan?

Tapi bencana alam memang jarang kt Malaysia, sebab Malaysia byk bencana lain kan.

barang baru

hear hear! I was on the way to the city yesterday and saw an awesome new alien at the bus stop! *jakun*

a new instalment at almost all bus stops across the city, which tells you exactly which bus is on the way and the minutes left for the bus to arrive. awesome stuff eh! *jakun lagi. bosan~*

and an old man came up to me while I was waiting and went, "It's brilliant isn't it!" dgn nada penuh excitement, maybe because he saw me staring at that thing for quite some time. This kinda thing familiar kalau naik train or LRT je, so tetiba ada kt bus stop macam woww. I thought I was the only one who're curious looking at this new information service, thank you old man, you made me feel less alone, teman jakun bersame.

So, fellow Dublin peeps, don't have to squint our eyes searching for the timetable etc the next time you commute by bus.

Ok berita tak penting, tapi saje nk post. Maybe you guys in larger cities gelak je bace mcm hak elah tempat kitorg dah lama ada kotttt kecoh la minah ni. Fine.

Talking about something more serious, my prayer goes to the people of Japan and other countries under the risk of tsunami and the earthquake. May all is well. Amin.

A simple farewell

To someone who was like a big sister I never had,

this is not goodbye, because we'll meet again somewhere ;)

Yesterday, everyone's tears get hard to dry,

But being me, I did not cry,

Refusing to bid goodbye,

No matter how difficult we still have to try,

because all we wanted is to meet in a place up high.

All the best in everything you do, we all love you :)

p/s: pardon the crappy poem, blame my narrow vocab -.-"

friends

Quite a lengthy post on this one, I'll bet 10euro that you'll fall asleep reading halfway. haha

A few days back I read a hadith from Imam Nawawi, Hadith 35, and moments later I stumbled upon a verse that was talking about the same thing the hadith stressed. Was it a mere coincidence or something He wanted me to think about, I guess it's the latter :)

I assumed it digs better in malay;

Dari Abu Hurairah R.A dia berkata: Rasulullah S.A.W bersabda:

Janganlah kalian saling dengki, saling menipu, saling marah dan saling memutuskan hubungan. Dan janganlah kalian menjual sesuatu yang telah dijual kepada orang lain. Jadilah kalian hamba-hamba Allah yang bersaudara.

Seorang muslim adalah saudara bagi muslim yang lainnya, (dia) tidak menzaliminya dan mengabaikannya, tidak mendustakannya dan tidak menghinanya.

Taqwa itu disini (kata Nabi seraya menunjuk ke dadanya sebanyak tiga kali). Cukuplah seorang muslim dikatakan buruk jika dia menghina saudaranya yang muslim.

Setiap muslim atas muslim yang lain; haram darahnya, hartanya dan kehormatannya.

-[riwayat Muslim]

and this verse came out as I was reading;

"Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Jauhilah banyak dari prasangka, sesungguhnya sebahagian prasangka itu dosa, dan janganlah kamu mencari-cari kesalahan orang lain, dan janganlah ada di antara kamu yang menggunjing sebahagian yang lain. Apakah ada di antara kamu yang suka memakan daging saudaranya yang sudah mati? Tentu kamu merasa jijik. Dan bertaqwalah kepada Allah, sungguh Allah Maha Penerima taubat, Maha Penyayang." -49:12

Ntah la. As you grow up it's hard for you to find a friend you can really trust, there'll always be some flaws in the friendship. If you noticed, a childhood friendship which is still intact until you're an adult will always last longer than some friends you met when you're older. Maybe because children know what real friendship is, back then, you don't judge, you don't know how to take advantage, you don't assume, you don't know what selfish is, you don't get jealous etc. All you know is we'll meet up at the playground at 5pm to play polis sentri together :') You befriended them just because you really want to be friends. Not because of some favour, not because you need someone to accompany you to watch a movie, not because you're bored, not because you need money, not because you want somebody to back you up. Sounds simple, no? Not as simple

as it sounds right now.

All I can say is you'll just have to appreciate those around you now. Because you'll never know for how long they will stay by your side. Maybe they're gone by tomorrow, maybe they'll meet new friends and forget you by next week, maybe you'll end up in a hurtful fight by next month, maybe maybe maybe, we'll never know. Let's just pray that God keeps them with you for as long as they possibly can.

On another note, we went on an afternoon walk to a shopping centre near my house. The

weather was lovelyyyyyy and the girls made a great company :)

should definitely do this more often! :) xx

polka-dotty

skyped with the big fat monster we called ayit at home, and he complained about my blog being rather un-read-able due to the polka-dottish background. and ayit also said, "sebab tu la abah cakap abah tak baca blog kaklong, sebab susah nak tengok tulisan blend in dengan background" (-_-")

boleh tak dua org anak beranak ni duduk n bincang pasal blog ni? sunggo comel. hadoih.

trust me, this is not a candid picture. they purposely posed like that. like father like son. haha

p/s: to abah n ayit, i've edited the background of the posts, no more polka dots floating around behind the fonts. ahaks

Pagi.

Nutley Lane. 6.50am, 5th March.

motive-less.

Compete

A quick post on what hit me yesterday,

We are not here to compete. Studying here is not the same as in SPM or KMB, where we competed for that one place, for that one scholarship, for that one university offer. For all that we know we're already here. Already in the place we once competed and worked our socks off to get. There's no such things as succeeding and achieving the highest ever marks alone. Because everyone will still end up being a doctor, undergoing the same internship. It's all about going through this together. If you're still stuck with the attitude, "ni nota aku, aku punye, kau xyah," baik balik skolah amek spm, bagi dapat straight A+ sorg2. Kamon la.

terasa? me too.

p/s: "but still, how do you drag everyone together to the finishing line if they refused to follow." well, go figure.

Spring break

I've been staring at this for a very long time.

In the mood of updating but have absolutely no idea on what to blabber about this time. I say "in the mood", because I've recently learned that blogging provides me with the most effective distraction. yayy. Ok here goes.

These past few weeks I've finally achieved a few stuff I targeted on gastrologically to the delight of my tummy;

1- Baked a few batches of chocbanana muffins, each in less than an hour. Thanks to you-know-who, who accompanied me on the first batch ;)

2- Successfully cooked chicken curry without santan! okay I know this is not something to brag about but hey, an amateur like me should be very happy because a can of santan would cost you ~RM8.00 here. faham x skrg faham x pencapaian besar ni?

3- Innocently ate out at Nyonya (a malaysian restaurant) after our midterm test even though the current financial status only qualify to eat nasi putih and kicap. Ikan bakar, almond thai chicken, kangkong sambal sotong, rendang daging, ha amek kau kene 68euro.

4- Made 13pieces of roti canai, which took me almost an hour to mix everything and to knead. Dah knead, early morning kena canai plak. Reminds me of tok waking up early in the morning to canai :')

5- Bancuh my fav nescafe with condensed milk! Now there's a huge difference if we used fresh milk, it doesn't taste like malaysia's. Condensed milk would cost you 1-2euro per can, fresh milk 79cents per litre. So to have a can of condensed milk once in a while is definitely an asset.

Yeah I know life is so pathetic here. Things you would get with a single finger-tap in malaysia would put you through a lot of hassle to get, here. Sedih lagi menyedihkan. And btw, my 2-week spring break has officially started, but another three midterm tests are coming up after the break. Not really a break afterall.

and anddd the PMC-bound seniors are going back this week, tomorrow to be exact. Heading back to finish up their remaining medical studies in Penang. If you're reading I wish you all the best in penang, penang will treat you well don't worry, best city ever tuu. See you when I see you :)

And around this time next year, half of these people are going back to PMC too, ditching me of course.

Ok what's there to be sad about. You have another one year with them kot. Plus, all of them are looking forward to go back to PMC next year that nobody would even notice and remember those tiny minor group that will be left behind. A whole new environment will always erase the old one you leave.jumpa kawan baru, kawan lama, bye ah. and sadly next year, I will belong to the latter. Fighting through med school alone with a bunch of remaining friends having the same fate.

Hasad dengki.

Remember the post I wrote on the 8th of September 2010? Tipu. Harusla x ingat.

Entitled so poyo-ly: Oh yes I am the jealous type!

I re-read the post and realized that sometimes the things I said I'd do, are not the things I actually did. I said I'll throw away all inferiority and jealousy I felt to others I regarded as more priviledged than me, in terms of beauty, or intelligence, or hard work etc, but it seemed like I still have those inferiority complexes in me.

my interpretation of hasad dengki. *i'm not the one on the left for sure (=.=')

Tengok org pandai, rasa diri bodoh, so nak pandai jugak.

Tengok org rajin, rasa diri mcm tapir pemalas, so nak rajin jugak.

Tengok org cantik, rasa diri hodoh, so nak cantik jugak.

In a nutshell, everything other people have, semue nak. Jealous sana, inferior sini.

Banyak cantik, yg sendiri punye pun xreti bersyukur lagi.

Tamak haloba nak Allah tambah lagi.

kena start cakap serupa bikin dah ni.

I stumbled upon an article about hasad dengki, I forgot the source and I don't know if it's reliable, but it says, hasad dengki ada tiga tahap;

1- envy on what other people have, silently

2- envy on what other people have, and want to have it for your own good

3- envy on what other people have, want to have it for your own good, and willing to do anything to stop others from having it too.

get it? no? ok simply said;

1-jealous nampak org makan aiskrim

2-jealous nampak org makan aiskrim, rasa nak jugak aiskrim dia

3-jealous nampak org makan aiskrim, nak aiskrim dia, and sanggup tahan pakcik aiskrim dr menjual aiskrim kt org lain selain dia sahaje.

so yeah, make sure our jealousy is on the positive side, don't let it consume you until you reach the level of selfish-ness by stopping others from having what they want.

there's another interesting snippet of hadith here too :)

come on people, let's change our attitude on how we see things, jealousy and envy are a huge waste of time :D

Spring!

Today I finished my first midterm of the semester, food science. The whole class of 200++ students crammed in one lecture theatre for the test, sat side by side, no gap in between students. Seriously nak cheating sungguhla senang -.-"

Cycled to class today and it was bright and sunny, noticed colourful flowers already blooming by the roadside, hello spring! :)

But of course, sunny doesn't mean warm. It's pretty cold when I cycled back home.

So what's the point of this post? Pointless that is. Just to share what 'today' presented me. haha

And all the best to second-year UCDians for tomorrow's midterm! Too many drugs to memorize, I wonder how people who major in pharmacology survived -.-" verapramilcaptoprilspironolactonenitroglycerinheparinzZzZzZ