Fix You

When you try your best but you don't succeed

When you get what you want but not what you need

When you feel so tired but you can't sleep

Stuck in reverse

Tears stream down on your face

I promise you I will learn from my mistakes

Lights will guide you home

And ignite your bones

And I will try

To fix you.

- Fix You, Coldplay. All-time favourite.

Happy Monday everyone :)

Effort

Never thought I put in much effort for this semester's midterm tests.

Probably because there's too much to read that you ended up worrying if whatever you read will be forgotten later. In the end, you settle with reading lazily, merely browsing through words. And then I forgot the most important fact, that every little effort counts :)

This'd be just a quick post. To tell y'all that I finally got my hands on my very own Robbins pathology textbook today :') Mesti mcm noob kan dah 3rd year baru beli. tsk

Whatevs. As long as I don't have to squint my eyes reading the online textbook, I'm happy to finally have a hardcopy of this mother of all pathology texts. Ceh exaggerate.

Plus, suddenly felt encouraged to read it all again. Sbb boleh highlight and conteng2 heeyarghhh

Every little effort counts, iA :)

Words and you.

Right actions in the future are the best apologies for bad actions in the past.

Sometimes, no matter how much the past actions hurt, if we clutch on the past too tightly, our arms would be too full to embrace the present.

I'm learning to make the most out of the present. No matter how slow, I'm learning.

Changing for the better :)

Hardworking.

Or rajin.

Why do you call someone rajin and hardworking?

I went to a talk yesterday. And Ustaz talked about many things. But I remembered one thing he mentioned, the difference between bersegera and bergopoh-gapah. (settling things beforehand vs. rushing things)

Here's the difference. Contoh. P Ramlee (PR) and Salleh Yaakob (SY). Both are going to face an exam. PR prepared months before the exam to make sure he succeed. Closer to the exam date people would see him relaxing and not that hardworking, some might even say he's lazy, but the truth is he's been working consistently, no rush. Meanwhile for SY, one week or days before the exam, he worked soooo hard that people compliment on how hardworking he is, how rajin, but the truth is, he's rushing and not really is a hardworking guy.

See the difference. PR bersegera, SY bergopoh.

Next. Here comes Maghrib prayer time. PR took his wudhu' and was at the masjid an hour before azan, to make sure he's always on time. Meanwhile for SY, half an hour before azan, he rushed home from a football session, and quickly clean up and took his wudhu', rushing to the masjid. People would see SY and say, wahh bagus budak ni semangat g masjid. Padahal on the way pegi masjid maki habis traffic light lembab, kopiah hilang, nak tunjuk yg die semangat g masjid nih.

See the difference? Obvious isn't it. PR bersegera, SY bergopoh.

Which group do you belong to? Bersegera buat benda baik, or bergopoh?

Ustaz pesan, dlm Quran ada ckp, bersegeralah melakukan kebaikan (2:148)

I prefer bersegera. Sbb skrg tegopoh2 nak habiskan semua lecture. Oh menyesal kemudian tidak berguna :( Using the time left to the max! iA :)

p/s: bought a new phone....andddd loving it to bits! :)

taken using ehem2 :p

cool kan cool kan. jgn jeles uolsss!

Rain.

En route back home.

It rained today

As I walked home

Streets flooded, shoes loaded,

Music loud, umbrella up,

Listening to the rain performing.

Praying hard for tomorrow onwards,

and for whatever we aimed for together :)

My bwainn.

Heyy.

My bwain izz slow, izz like snailzz.

..and it cannot digest information if provided in bulk. Dayumm.

As y'all know from my endless annoying posts on when my midterm is, yes, it's on this coming Monday and Tuesday. For most of the third-years they'll only have the Tuesday GIT test. I had my Monday occupied because of my zoology elective. Oh yeah. Zoology. Don't ask me why I took Medical Zoology as my elective. As far as I know I chose it because it sounds cool and I'm too scared to take up any medically-related subjects, and because I was trying to avoid taking languages again for electives, also because I can never reconcile with subjects relating to Maths. nyahahah

GIT stands for gastrointestinal btw, y'know, all that unpleasant stuff happening in your tummy all the way till it went out in the toilet. Yeah. That's GIT in general.

Anyways, I noticed I have been taking 'reading' subjects for three consecutive semesters. I wonder why... since I'm a loser when it comes to things requiring memory. Yes, please go on and wonder why I even chose medicine. I took Microeconomics, then Food Science, and then now, Medical Zoology. All of which needed reading to pass, because the assessments are merely MCQs. And surprisingly, all of which helped me with my overall grades walaupn xde la tinggi mana, except for medzoo la kan baru nak exam, duhh

And among all electives I have previously taken (including French and Chinese), I would say these reading subjects are the most awesome. Foodscience, despite all the reading, actually taught me a lot of new stuff on different types of dieting method. And medical zoology, despite the wordy lecture slides, provided me cool facts that I wouldn't really know in real life. Contoh, sape tau nyamuk yg hisap darah korg tu, jate ko tino? Hah. Only FEMALE mosquitoes bite and transmit disease, the males feed on nectar and honeydew. Haa, xtau kan? kan? See, that's why medical zoology is awesomeee.

Tapi tau la elective clinical skill lagi awesome kan. Finee

All in all, what I can conclude is, despite my constant pain-in-the-arse complaints on so-many-things-to-read-so-little-time blablabla, I learned that in whatever ilmu you're obliged to learn, it's actually fun if you look close enough. Much more peculiarly as a medical student, you actually learned about your own body, a friend was talking about ischemic bowel disease when he suddenly said, pelikkan, cmne bahagian perut pun boleh mati.

See, I'm always amazed with people who can actually read and relate. I normally READ, only read, without relating. Merely spilling out facts without relating. Starting from now have to start thinking like a doctor, like a hot hot doctor. ahaks

Ok peeps. I'll leave you at this. Need to refresh my reading on arthropods and insect-borne diseases =.='

p/s: My cousins are getting married this weekend. All prayers flying to them iA! <3

Rightfully right.

Midterm tests will commence next week. And there's actually no time to feel frustrated with your studies. Asyik cakap x sempat sampai bila pun x sempat.

Just when you feel disappointed and at the point of giving up, that's when someone made you bounce right back on track.

And at this rate I'm at, it's a pleasure to have that privilege :)

p/s: Kempen sejam satu lecture.hehe. inshaAllahh

Not good enough.

Heyy.

Just a thought.

Right now,

What if you're not good enough? For him, for her, for them, for this, for that, for life, for whatever thing surrounding you, what if you're just not good enough for 'em all?

Would you change to how you used to be? Would you give in? Would you work things out? Would you simply sit back and accept the fact that you're just not good enough?

You know that state of confusion when you're just lost, grabbing anything to be your identity. Faking everything to prove that you're good enough, to prove that you're worth it. Isn't that hypocrisy? What happens to being you? What happens to your once awesome attitude?

Forcing yourself to the library to prove that you're worth being in the 3rd year medicine, forcing yourself to put on an emotional face to show that you're not in a good mood, forcing yourself to be happy to show that you're always awesome, forcing yourself to do this and that to prove this and that, forcing everything on yourself, just to prove something that is not for the world to see. As if my life is a fake. Man, I seriously need an attitude check-up.

What if I am really not good enough..

p/s: Saturday blues.

Friday.

Yes play the Rebecca Black song as you read this =.='

But also remember Friday is the sayyidul ayyam, penghulu segala hari. woots

Woke up. Morning jog to Deer Park. Baked (tasteless) choc muffins for Dea and Ica who'll be going back soon. Walked to their house. Bought chicken legs at the mosque. Went home. Bathed. Phone calls to 3 because of the nasty NCO letters. Onlined. Wondered why AIB hasn't updated my current balance. And why 3 hasn't deducted any bills yet. Felt old having to settle all this billing stuff. Dressed up. Walked to the library. Covered a topic. Withdrawed cash to buy drinks for usrah. Usrah. Dropped by the Msoc annual grand meeting. Say hi to a few. Walked back with Yan and Pika. Met an Arabic mom lost for direction. Felt awful for not being able to help. Arrived home. Sitting in front of the laptop. Writing a pointless post.

Funny how my day can be summarized in just a short paragraph. Time is flying by so fast like a bullet train I can barely catch up with everything around me.

Anyways, have a great awesome weekend :)

Moved.

Heyy.

Ermm. I went to a talk today. Hoping to just fill in my time with at least one thing beneficial for the day. Unexpectedly, something about the talk moved me. Weirdly, I don't know exactly what was it.

Shaykh Riad Ouarrazi's talk today was supposed to be revolving around "Abu Bakr: A legacy for the future." But he delivered more than that. Btw, he was a Moroccan-born lad, with a business degree, who migrated to the US and Canada, and has been giving talks and leadership courses since. Mind you, he's one of the most laid-back shaykh I've ever met. Giving speech clad in just a pair of jeans and a striped shirt, oh, and his cool american accent. haha

Apart from him jumping from desk to desk (yes, literally jumping DESK to DESK), pointing out question with his enthusiasm, the talk was something I did not regret going. Because before this, most of the talks I went to, I would be so exhausted from classes and too tired to pay attention to the whole session (since talks are mostly held wayyy after classes).

I don't really know what to summarize on this talk because Shaykh Riad talked about almost everything, not really in-topic. But I guess his words were the thing that caught my attention. Most of them I would say.

He talked about Abu Bakr r.a, and how Abu Bakr r.a converted 6 people right after he embraced Islam. About Mus'ab bin Umair r.a, who was the first Islam ambassador and he was just 20 years old. About ghulam, and how he left his legacy by telling the king that he can only be killed with the word "bismillahi rabbil ghulam," in the name of Allah, the Lord of ghulam. About how Abdullah bin Zubair r.a went swimming around Kaabah when Makkah was flooded to complete a tawaf.

Man, he was good. I've always loved stories like these. Reminders in the most interesting way.

And since he specializes in handling leadership courses, we did a little leadership test just to know what kind of a leader you would be. You know, the sort of stuff where you draw this and it means that blablabla. He asked us to draw a bull on a piece of paper, andddd here you go;

My bull. Hensem kan?

And there was one time when he touched on friends, that left me wondering. He said look at those around you. If you die today, and you're surrounded by your friends you have right now, will they help you say the syahadah?

And the best part.

"If our sins each has a smell, we would not be sitting next to each other right now."

p/s: When you judge someone, it doesn't define who they are. It defines who you are. Hence, I'll stop judging and assuming and live my own awesome life, worry-free. Yayy!

harini otak+hati penat..xnak penat lagi...tsk

Wordless Wednesday.

At any point in our life, selfishness happens. When all you think about is 'me me me'. But being selfish is not cool. Selfishness only applies when your bladder is full and you need the toilet, very very badly. Me to We :)

But then again...

Lolololol forever alone

Haha 9gagging. I think this entry shouldn't be named "Wordless Wednesday", there's word in it. Should it be Wordy Wednesday? erkk

Hohoii study. bye

Assumptions.

Today's lunch, Irish-style with mokcik2 selim,

weather's pretty good which is why we opted for an outdoor lunch tetibe :)

Heyy.

I sprayed some fresh-looking changes to the blog, because I have no idea why did the polka-dottish background suddenly went missing. Canthik tak canthik tak, haaa canthik kan? *gaya eric leong deko bersama eric*

Pergh. Life nowadays, background blog pun penting ke =.='

Today I felt healthier after jogging with mokcik2 selim all the way to deer park, the usual spot. I think I should do that often, because 21 years old and gasping for air after a short walk is not cool, people. Not cool. Reminds me of the times back in kmb, I jogged almost everyday towards the end of the last semester just because it felt good and refreshing, I guess I was fitter back then. Skrg mcm mak nenek, sikit2 penat, tgk blog ni layout pn mcm mak nenek, x fun langsung kann.

Ok enough said on what I did today, not of any significance anyway.

Assumptions. Big time dilemma. To make assumptions to comfort yourself OR to push away assumptions and stress yourself out while thinking of the truth. Anybody ever been stucked in the middle of those two? Cecehh soalan retorik la konon. Barula blogger berwibawa kann.

Ok matang mode please. You know the thing with blogging is, when people read what you write, they assume they understand you and your posts. The thing is, nobody understands anybody completely. If you read a post where a blogger talks about one of his/her classmates having smelly mouth, and you happen to be his/her classmate, I bet 90% of you would suddenly be conscious of the smell of your mouth. Because you assume he/she is talking about YOU. See, assumptions. Ish ish.

I've learned that assumptions make you worry, and worrying is not really a fun thing to do. I prefer watching my goldfishes bloop-blooping rather than worrying. So jommm, let's lead a positive life. Eh tapi jgn la positive sgt, what if a friend comes to your room with a knife and wants to kill you, and you went positive and think he/she might need your help in the kitchen. Haha contoh x realistik sorryy. =.=' I'm just saying, let's say no to assumptions :) Husnuzzon (bersangka baik) sudehh.

"Assumptions are the termites of relationships."- Henry Winkler, an American actor.

p/s: Hoping the blog change resembles the change I'm trying to make. Woots :)

Random again.

"It's feeling like our time's run out,

but the hourglass just flipped itself over again"

BA :)

Hello to another random post.

What do you do to kick laziness away? Actually, you can't. All you can do is just deal with it. I've been living like a jobless lad, waking up not to the sunrise, but to the bright sunlight of the noon. The noon, man, people are getting ready to have lunch when I'm still rubbing my eyes. I know this kinda post sounds cliche, because I complained about not having enough study time every now and then. Oh grow up.

When you have the ability to read books, and make notes, and cook, but you deliberately choose not to do it, that's what laziness is all about. I deliberately choose not to study but to sleep, not to cook but to eat junkfood. The cooking part has a bit of a contributing factor, my housemates all cooked awesome dishes today with pengat pisang and whatnot, explaining why I'm a tad lazy to cook. Macamana nii. Pemalasnyaaa

Or is it the age factor? You know people say your total number of neurones will deteriorate as you grow older. I think that fact works on me.

Sometimes when people feel lazy, they would normally end up doing absolutely nothing. The thing is, I don't function that way. When I feel lazy, I do something else, as an excuse to not having to study and face books. For instance, cycling up to Dundrum alone for the fifth time in a month to get a refund for a pair of shoes. I know, knock some sense into my big fat irrational head please =.=

Actually, I think I'm still in love with the Causeway :)

Weh apa post pointless ni. haihh. I'll feed you with something not time-wasting later. Now kena figure out macamana nk teruskan hidup serba rajin. bye

Happy Happiness.

21st birthday ended amazingly with another surprise birthday celebration for Yan and the ex-birthday girl. hihik. And the sweet awesome people bought more presents for meee! yayy. The reason I slept with a wide smile :)

Prezziesss. lupa nk amek gambar pyjamas Atiqah sbb terus pakai hehe :p

Anddd to add to the awesomeness of the week, last Friday, someone thoughtful asked if I wanna join a roadtrip to Belfast, of course I said yes :) So I tagged along Mozek, Dea and Dea's pretty sister Ica, all the way to the breathtakingly beautiful Giant's Causeway, shopping spree at Junction One, and we ended our trip with jaipur for dinner :)

For those who've never been to Giant's causeway before (like me), it's an extremelyyyy beautiful wonder of the world. The rocks making up the cliffs are hexagonal in shape, which makes it even more unique. Legend has it that an Irish warrior wanted to build a bridge to Scotland. I don't give much attention to that as the spot itself is soooo beautiful, you can stand on the cliff and it overlooks the horizon :')

Oh I actually don't know if jaipur's an indian or arabian dish but whatevs, it was superb as always. A mix of lamb and chicken kebab with fries and a feel of finger-lickin good. We bought almost 16 packs of jaipur for friends back in Dubs, wajibla pegi Belfast bwk balik jaipur. Souvenir2 ni xpayahh bazir duit je. hahaha

Angin kuat gila xyah cakap. I fell over like a rotten nangka as the wind almost literally blew us away as we walked along the cliff to get to the carpark. Dea n Ica nyorok blakang mozek, Ali xpe ada spare tyre and mind you, it was crazy as we braced through the wind PLUS rain. Basah kuyup all over. I think Dea caught a cold because of that. But it was ALL WORTH IT!

Thank you birthday boy Mozek (birthday falls on the very next day of the trip!), Dea, Ica, and Ali for letting me tag along. Menyibuks saje kannn. A short trip but definitely one I would remember :)

I am the happiest human being alive this week. heee

21

Yeahh mannn I've always wanted to write this since last year but last year it was the 20th. So here goes; FOREVER 21 YAWWW!

uhuk. gila la dah 21 tak matang lagi. Ok read till the end please, trust me I'm growing up :) This shall be a very serious post, I swear.

Ok I didn't plan to write anything long and touchy-feely but I know people will expect something up in here *eh pirahh perasan*. Sooo last night I went to bed early, and my fishes and I were awaken by the sound of yan's voice, asking me to come down. Penat gosok mata sbb tekejut tetiba cerah, grabbing my tudung and hoodies I went down to a sweet happy birthday song. Ain, Pika, Mif, Yan, Mozek, Dea, Ali and Hakim. They stayed up faithfully waiting for the clock to strike 12. Nisha also sent a cute birthday card, Nady n Izzi gave a call. Thank you uolss, If you have friends willing to travel far at midnight and to restrain from sleeping because of you, slap your face if you're still not thankful. I know I am. Alhamdulillah :')

mainly they're the reason I smiled in Dublin :)

And Pizu baked a really awesome cake I tell youuu! He was always full of surprises, last year I received a huge slice of yummy raspberry (ke blueberry?) cheesecake from him. Thank you pizu, elmo is now my favourite cartoon! Sweet. hehee. I actually had TWO birthday cakes. Korg ade? ade ke? xde kan? selalu satu je kan? Okok enough childish crap. Another friend brought another cake decorated with Tatty Teddy! It is so cute that akem touched the bear almost a hundred time =.='

I have two awesome cakes. You may cry of jealousy now. And I shall continue eating these awesome cakes. bye

Mama and abah called late at night, but already on the 5th Oct malaysian time to wish. Ayit, Ira and Adik wished too. This has been my 3rd consecutive year celebrating without them, miss them still :')

And everybody else just makes turning 21 sweeter. Thank you :)

Anyways, before posting this I was thinking about what a birthday post would sound like, about my thanks to everyone and detailed story of the celebration, or about my new resolutions of turning 21, or about my regrets for the past 1 year, yada yada yada. Then I thought. Screw the ideas. It's just a day which happens to have the same number of days and the same month with my birth date. My birthday is still 5th of October, 1990. Allah has been steadily adding bright wonderful years to my age, so thank you Allah for that blessing :)

The biggest thanks goes to my first ever birthday celebrator (?), Mama and Abah. Love you to the moon and heaven :)

Don't look for things or people that aren't there, just always be thankful of what you have. Because the more you look for things that are not with you, the more you find that there's something wrong with what you have.

I am now officially 21. Yes, Dr. (-to-be) Zulaikha, welcome to adulthood.

My first 21-year-old target: Pointer higher than any of the previous semester inshaAllah. Kiasu much? Doa please. ameen :)

Yours truly, Zulaikha Zainol, aged 21 years old :)

Oh man. 21 sounds so cliche.

I hate it when I'm about to hug someone awesome, my face hits the mirror. *wipe dusts off shoulder*

I know. Epic, right?

p/s: Apejadah flyfm main lagu doraemon pukul 2 pagi malaysia. =.='

Happy 11th :)

Hey ;)

Went out for a paintball session under UCD's Malaysian Society, though only 6 of the third-years joined, I'm the only senior girl and the rest are juniors, it was still pretty much awesome. It rained all day, so imagine shooting people with water splattering all over your goggles.

Arrived home safely but soaking heavily because of the rain, and after settling down and cleaning everything up, just realized there're bruises on my knees and thigh. Baru nk bangga sbb ingat x kena tembak. Sekali hamek kau, betompok sana sini. Urghh x sedar pun bila kena =.=' Dah la dahi luka tehantuk tong, serius macam mangsa penderaan domestik. sobs

Ok the truth is, I don't feel like posting anything (penipu gila dah panjang membebel). No seriously all I wanted to do now is get some rest and clear my mind from, err, whatever it is that needs to be cleared.

Tapi...

teringat esok birthday adik, and I know she'll definitely read this :) So nak jugak tulis something.

Adik, lolo misses you! :'( Actually rindu nak peluk kuat2, peluk ira x sedap sangat, peluk ayit dia busuk. hahaha. Happy 11th birthday adik! Please stop growing will ya? Everytime I went back it seems like you guys jumped into a time machine or something. Medicine really took a toll on me, having to sacrifice being home and watch you grow up right in front of my very eyes. tsk.

Sorry lolo selalu marah adik bila emo and selalu buli adik and selalu muka ketat bila fetch adik balik sekolah. Tapi lolo tolong jaga rabbit adik jugak kan kan kan? hehe. I love you still ;)

:')

Jadi baby sister yang comel sentiasa, jadi anak solehah utk abah n mama, bila baca doa panjang yg adik selalu baca sorg2 malam2 tu jangan lupa doa utk lolo okeh. Starting from now lolo will pray bagi upsr 5A tahun depan. I love you to the moon and heaven! :)

Off to get my beauty sleep now. Selamat malam dunia,and goodnight little goldfishes :)

p/s: Have you ever felt a moment when you're a bit lost, and then it gets worse when you misses home, and then you just taste that overwhelming feeling of total sadness? Yeah, I'm feeling it now. Demmit. Haippp no cursing ikaaaa.

"Happy girls are the prettiest" - Audrey Hepburn

(I think I'm ugliest right now =.=')